Fish and Chip Shop owner injured in “super-size rage” incident
West Yorkshire - Brian Myles, 40, is today resting at home following an incident which left him with a chipped incisor and a dented fender (to his mouth and car, respectively). Myles, a Yorkshire businessman and described by his friends as “mild mannered”, got involved in an altercation between close-friend Troy Stone and a visitor to Myles’ Fish and Chip Shop, The Plaice To Be. Alison, (fat fryer on a Tuesday) said:
“It were proper scary, I’ve never seen Troy so mad. This bloke comes in and asks for Haddock and to make it Super Sized for free. Troy was in the front of t’shop talking to Brian on his mobile - Brian was emptyin’ t’bins in t’back - he told this bloke ‘free?! You can’t go askin’ for things free you know?’. Anyway, this bloke was a big fella and he squared up to Troy and told him to mind his own business. He swore, I think, an’ all. Troy kind of bumped his chest into him and asked him to step outside. Brian come into t’ front of t’shop and saw ‘em leaving. When he went out the bloke cracked him one, sending him diving into his Mondeo Ghia X. Troy scarpered sharpish, ‘aven’t seen ‘im since.”
Myles is recovering at home and is set to visit the Dentist on Friday.
First story, of course a load of rubbish. Sorry about that.
Hi Brian Myles here.
Dear Mr Lowton
I’m not sure where you got this story from and why you should call it ‘rubbish’. Although some of the fact are incorrect, the gist is. It’s not funny or clever to ask things for free when you are trying to run a business. I shall be sending a ‘cease and desist’ letter forthwith.
Do you, any chance, work for the Thirsk, Bedale and Northallerton Times? If you publish one word of this, I’ll sue your arse off.
Best Regards
Brian Myles
Proprietor
Dear Mr Myles,
Thanks for your response, Re: the article above. I’m pleased that you enjoyed the article. I will send you some complimentary mints in the post.
“cheers!”
Paul.
The funniest things always happen in fish and chip shops, have you noticed?
I was once standing behind an old lady in a queue at a local “Chippie” in downtown Llanelli and I overheard her asking for “A serve of plaice and chips please”.
The geezer behind the counter responded with, “Sorry madam we only have cod and skate”.
Being a little deaf in her old age she repeated her request, not once but three or four times.
Exasperated he said, “Madam, we dont have any P L A I F C E - plaice”
She retorted, There’s no effin plaice”.
Relieved he said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you”.
Hello Paul
You may or may not remember me. I wrote a few stories when you were in charge of “The spoof”, in the good old days.
I’m pleased you are involved in making people wet their pants again.
I have a few stories in “The Spoof” at the moment under the name “The rat” and I was honoured to see you have featured one of them here.
I’ll be checking in to Laughsend regularly.
All the best.